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Link to an image of this page  Link to an image of this page  [M4r p183]

In Vulcanum.

On Vulcan.

Saepissimè mundiores, rusticis & cocis
esse ἀναφροδιτοτέρους, hoc est uti Venere mi
nus propitia.

That very often, the Quality are anaphroditotéroi (more unfortunate in love) than rude mechanicals and cooks - that is to say, they enjoy less good fortune in love.

Non ego Vulcanus cupiam, aut Cillenius[1] esse,
Sed mage Vulcanus Mercuriusque simul.
At si te fatum similem vetet esse duorum,
Dic utra mavis conditione frui?

I wouldn’t want to be Vulcan, or Cyllenius [Mercury]: I’d rather be both Vulcan and Mercury at once. But of the two, if fate forbade you to be like [both], Tell me, which circumstance would you rather enjoy?

Link to an image of this page  Link to an image of this page  [M4v p184]

ALIUD.

Other

Hispidus ardenti regnans Vulcanus in Aetna,
Quem sibi vel generum pallidus Orcus emat:
Anne potest veneris taedas adiisse iugales?
Et χάριν aeterno conciliasse thoro:[2]
Quas nec Atlantei concors suadela nepotis
Ausa est Treiciis sollicitare sonis.
Cui lacera impexo pendet lacinia mento,
Quemque suum, pingui iure, culina facit,
O quoties cultis palpum rivalibus egit:
Et retulit Paphiae caeston & arma deae:[3]
Delusit quoties pictae tectoria linguae,
Vicit & heroum lucida φίλτρα ducum.

Shaggy Vulcan, king of fiery Etna, Whom [such a one as] pale Pluto might appreciate for a son-in-law: Can they possibly have lit the torches for his wife Venus? And can he have succeeded in winning Charis to his immortal marriage-bed - When not even the harmonious persuasiveness of the grandson of Atlas [Mercury] with his Thracian songs [lit. sounds] dared try to sollicit for this? [Vulcan,] whose beard is unkempt, who is hung with torn rags, Whom the kitchen claims as its own, by fat right: Oh! How many times has he pushed away his posh rivals with the flat of his hand, To bring back the girdle and arms of Paphian Venus: How many times has he outwitted the subtleties of fancy speech, And fought off the gorgeous attractions of warrior heroes.

PROBLEMA.

Problem

Quaeris despectae qua tanta occasio formae,
Et clarum ingenii tam iacuisse decus:
Ut referant Cypriae praestantia munera divae
Queis nulla est patrio mista lepore venus?
Scilicet ista suas nostri docuere puellas,
Qui nisi non meritis praedia sacra ferunt.

You ask what great opportunity has come the way of ugliness, And [complain] that the bright glory of the intellect has fallen so low that those who have no sexual wow-factor combined with inherited charm carry off the finest prizes of the Cyprian goddess. Of course, our chaps have taught that to their daughters - They pass the holy estates only to those who don’t deserve them.

Link to an image of this page  Link to an image of this page  [M5r p185]

NARRATIO PHILOSOPHICA.

MIretur optimo iure quispiam praestan-
tissimas formas & omni corporis venustate
deas, Venerem & χάριν in manu Vulcani fuligine
& flamma squallidi convenisse: Mercurium au-
tem qui ad aptam illam membrorum composi-
tionem, etiam egregias eloquentiae & doctrinae
laudes adiecit, nihil tale unquam assequi potuisse.
An quòd ita comparatum est, ut hominibus cul-
tis & splendidis non ita ex animo & sententia in
amoribus fortuna respondeat, quàm iis qui ad
omnia inepti & tardi nihil unquam tale animo
concupierunt? An quòd multa insperantibus &
minimè optantibus eveniunt, quae qui ad potiundum
& spe, & cupiditate incredibii capiuntur, non
possunt adipisci? An quòd hodie indignis & in-
sul sis omnia sunt prompta & parata: iis verò qui
praeclarè se gesserint & promeruerint, magistra-
tus, honores, officia, beneficia, omnia denique clau-
sa & obsignata? An quia mulieres, ne cui in suspi-
cionem non servatae pudicitiae veniant, eorum po-
tius desyderiis inserviunt, qui ab amoribus iudi-
cio multitudinis putantur esse alieni? An quòd il-
lae nocturnum sibi obsequium deberi, in eos lege
possint intendere, quos obsonatores, topiarios,
mediastinos, & ad tales diurnas operas conductos
habent? An quòd qui sunt elegantiores, ad illud
muliebris officii genus videantur magis imbecil-
li? An quòd ea est erga nos naturae benignitas,
ut semper aliquod incommodum beneficio com-
Link to an image of this page  Link to an image of this page  [M5v p186]penset, ut quibus animi vim & ingenii ornamen-
ta non praestitit, eos fortissimis lateribus, validissi-
mo robore & corporis praesidiis confirmet, ut
mulierum cupiditatibus, & proli diligentem
mulierum cupiditatibus, & proli diligentem
operam navent: ex quo evenire possit,
ut ea corporis immanitas illis
apud mulieres ad gra-
tiam suffra-
getur.

Notes:

1.  Mercury is sometimes surnamed Cyllenius, as he was born on Mount Cyllene.

2.  Charis was the personification of Grace, which changed over time into the three Graces or Charites. Homer describes Charis as wife of Hephaestus (Iliad, 18.382), while Hesiod specifies the name of Aglaia, the youngest of the three (Theogony, 945).

3.  Caestos: Gk.κεστός, the girdle of Venus (known as Paphian from Paphos in Cyprus).



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