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Link to an image of this page  Link to an image of this page  [D7v p62]

In parasitos.

Professional spongers

River crabs/lobsters
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Quos tibi donamus, fluviales accipe cancros,
Munera conveniunt moribus ista tuis.
His oculi vigiles, & forfice plurimus ordo
Chelarum armatus, maximaque alvus adest.
Sic tibi propensus stat pingui abdomine venter,
Pernicesque pedes, spiculaque apta pedi.
Cùm vagus in triviis, mensaeque sedilibus erras,
Inque alios mordax scommata salsa iacis.[1]

Receive these river crabs which we present to you. These gifts match your character. They have watchful eyes, and a great row of claws armed with a pincer, and a huge gut is there. You too have a protruding belly with fat paunch, scuttling feet and sharp weapons on them, as you hang about the crossroads or move among the seats at table, and maliciously shoot your stinging, witty jibes.

Link to an image of this page  Link to an image of this page  [D8r p63]

Contre les escornifleurs ou postulans
de repeues franches, quon dit
plaisans de table.

Des escrevisses je tenvoye,
Don propre aux facons & meurs que as:
yeulx tousjours ouvers par la voye,
Et grand ventre, ou tout revocas:
Puis ce que chascun tu mocquas,
Es lieux ou faiz de fol loffice:
Sont les piedz pinsantz sur maintz cas,
Ainsi vis tu en escrevisse.

Notes:

1.  Variant reading, scommata falsa, ‘libellous witticisms’

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Section: DOCTORUM AGNOMINA (Professors’ nicknames). View all emblems in this section.

Link to an image of this page  Link to an image of this page  [G4v p104]

DOCTORUM AGNO-
MINA

Professors’ nicknames

Three men sitting on either side of a man in a throne, a snake on the floor at their feet.
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Moris vetusti est, aliqua professoribus
Super adiici cognomina.
Faciles apertosque explicans tantum locos,
Canon vocatur Curtius.
Revolvitur qui eodem, & iteratque nimis
Maeander,[2] ut Parisius.
Link to an image of this page  Link to an image of this page  [G5r p105]Obscurus & confusus, ut Picus fuit,
Labyrinthus appellabitur.[3]
Nimis brevis, multa amputans, ut Claudius,
Mucronis agnomen feret.
Qui vel columnas voce rumpit,[4] Parpalus,
Dictus truo[5] est scholasticis.
Contra est vocatus, tenuis esset Albius
Quòd voce, vespertilio.[6]
At ultimas mutilans colobotes syllabas,
Hirundo Crassus dicitur.[7]
Qui surdus aliis, solus ipse vult loqui,
Ut sturnus in proverbio est.
Hic blaesus, ille raucus, iste garriens.
Hic sibilat ceu vipera.
Tumultuatur ille rictu & naribus.
Huic lingua terebellam facit.
Singultit alius, atque tussit haesitans.
Conspuit alius ut psecas.[8]
Quàm multa rebus vitia in humanis agunt,
Tam multa surgunt nomina.

It’s an old custom for professors to be given nicknames. Curtius, the one who lectures only on easy and obvious passages, is called Straight and Narrow. The one who keeps going back to the same point and repeats everything too often is called Maeander, like Parisius. If he’s difficult to follow and muddled, like Picus, he’ll be called the Labyrinth. The one who is too concise, chops a lot off, like Claudius, will get the name of Clippers. Parpalus, who even cracks the pillars with his voice, gets the name of Pelican from the students. On the other hand, Albius who had a squeaky voice was called the Bat. Crassus, the mutilator, who mangles the ends of all his words is called the Swallow. The one who won’t listen and insists on talking himself is like the starling in the proverb. This one stammers, that one is hoarse, the third talks too fast, the other hisses like a snake. One grimaces with mouth and nostrils running riot, another has a tongue like a drill. One breaks off to cough and clear his throat, another sputters all over you like a dripping gutter. For every fault displayed in human behaviour a name arises to match.

Notes:

1.  For the giving of nicknames to teachers cf. Lucian, Symposium, 6.

2.  Maeander, a river in Asia Minor famous for its meanderings.

3.  The Labyrinth: See Emblem 12, n.1 ([A50a012]).

4.  columnas voce rumpit, ‘even cracks the pillars with his voice’. Cf. Juvenal, Satires, 1.13: ‘the pillars cracked with continual recitations’.

5.  Truo, ‘Pelican’. See previous emblem..

6.  Vespertilio, ‘Bat’. See Emblems 61 and 62 ([A50a061], [A50a062]).

7.  Hirundo, ‘the Swallow’. Cf. Emblem 70 ([A50a070]). The Greeks compared the persistent twittering of the swallow to barbarian jabbering.

8.  psecas, ‘a dripping gutter’, a word explained in the Suda.

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